we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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