garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize