After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
