Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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