FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
