Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
