I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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