she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
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