Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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