Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
