Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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