I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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