Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
