The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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