the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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