This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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