my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
