i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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