We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
