He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
