I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
