I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
