I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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