I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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