Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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