well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
