why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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