Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
