he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
