i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
