They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
