this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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