my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
