Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
sarcasm needs its own font
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
