Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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