Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
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