the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
