I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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