I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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