I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
