So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
