she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
