A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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