i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
