I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
