oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
