I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
