There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
