I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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