Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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