too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
