Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
