Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
