just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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