Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
