The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
