U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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