Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
