The maid of honor just puked.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
