Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
