Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When are your genitals available?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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