is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
