Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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