i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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