Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
