I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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