Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
