dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
