remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Non-Jews are for practice
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
