no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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