What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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