so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
