dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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