idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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