WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
nutella sex= disaster
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
