I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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