It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
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I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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